I guess I am what people call as “slow to react”. I was fine when I found out what happened. I was smiling and I was fine. I mean, yeah, I guess I could not stop thinking about it but I was fine. So later, when I was alone (I guess being alone makes me feel isolated and more panicky), I guess what was found out slowly sunk into my slow mind. Or maybe, I was processing it and digesting it but not fully able to control it. It’s like feeling on top of the world yet the anchor is pulling you into the depths of the deepest oceans. It’s like being told that I won the lottery and that I’ll be put to death at the same time. It’s like smiling happily yet feeling a slap across the face.
Or maybe it’s just the whole world against me for the day. And that was part of the world.